-- How To Avoid Being Your Ex's Backup Plan What’s up ladies and gentlemen, I’m Brad Browning and I am YouTube’s #1 breakup coach… and you’re watching my latest advice video, where I’m going to explain the steps you need to take to avoid becoming “plan B” for your ex. If you’re hoping to get back together with an ex, then what I’m about to cover is critical information and you’re going to want to keep watching…
First, let’s quickly talk about why your ex might be hoping to making you their backup plan. A lot of people don’t really understand this, but the simple fact of the matter is that most of the time, your ex isn’t going to be 100% certain about the decision to break up. Just like you are, they’re likely fearing the idea of being single and struggling to cope with the heartache and post-breakup emotions.
This means that, in most cases, your ex is going to be hoping to keep you in their back pocket as a “plan B” option in case the single life doesn’t work out or they realize that they’ve made a mistake ending things with you.
Now, at first this might seem like great news.... After all, that would mean you might be able to get them back, right? Except that… that’s not how it works. Please trust me on this, because I’ve been a breakup coach for over a decade and helped tens of thousands of clients win back their ex… but the truth is that allowing yourself to become your ex’s backup plan is actually going to kill your chances of ever getting back together.
The simple explanation is that by making it clear to your ex that you’re OK waiting around for them to hopefully change their mind about breaking up, you’re not putting any pressure on them or allowing them to worry about losing you forever. That’s going to be a scary thought for your ex, and the fear of you moving on or finding someone new to replace them is extraordinarily powerful if you want them back.
As long as your ex knows that you’ll be waiting around eager to say “yes” immediately if they want you back, that’s almost certainly never going to happen. It firmly shifts the balance of power entirely to your ex, gives them the comfort of gradually getting over you, and will make it much more difficult for you to move on.
Essentially, allowing yourself to become “plan B” for your ex removes any sense of urgency and makes the entire process of getting over the breakup less painful and less frightening for them.
At this point, hopefully I’ve convinced you that putting yourself in this kind of situation is going to destroy any hope of getting them back. Let’s now talk about how to avoid falling into the “backup plan” trap.
Step #1: Employ a period of No Contact.
First, you absolutely need to use my 30 Day No Contact technique as soon after the breakup as possible. If it’s already been a month or more since you first broke up, you should still, in most cases, go through with a period of No Contact where you don’t speak to your ex at all (or as little as possible). For anyone out there who doesn’t know if No Contact is appropriate for your specific situation, please visit BreakupBrad.com/coaching and sign up for my 1-on-1 personal coaching service and I’ll be happy to learn about the details of your breakup and help you create a plan to win them back.
No Contact is important because it shocks your ex into recognizing what life is like without you around, maximizing their feelings of “missing you”. If you don’t use No Contact, and you instead continue talking to your ex regularly, you’re slowly reducing the amount of contact between you and your ex which will reduce the heartache they’re going to feel and let them gradually fade from their life.
By not speaking to your ex, you’re also going to create a sense of mystery -- they’ll wonder why you’re suddenly no longer interested in talking with you, and you’ll essentially upend their expectations and create more of a sense of urgency by signalling you’re already moving on.
Step #2: Hide your emotions.
This is along the same lines as what I just mentioned, but you also want to keep your heartache and emotions out of the public eye. If your ex thinks you’re struggling with the breakup, thinks you’re heartbroken, or gets the impression you’re not moving on quickly…. Then that’s a sign that you’re willing to be their Plan B option. Obviously, that’s not what you want, so keep your emotions hidden from your ex as much as possible.
*** More from Brad Browning:
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