JOANA SWEATER NOW AVAILABLE: Hi, and welcome to episode 2 of John Cena ranting about Dance Moms. Todays topic: season 8. What do I think about it? All I have to say is that I miss the old team. I want Brooke, Paige, Chloe, Nia, Maddie and Mackenzie to hop in a time machine to relive the glory days and broadcast their sufferings to the world so that we can see it too. I mean lets be honest here, the new team is TOO talented; they’re all micro-professionals and it’s not that entertaining anymore. I like Brady though. He’s a cool dude. Him and his mother can stay. Savannah too. Did you see her in that Metamorphosis solo? When she did that attitude pirouette straight into the back undercut, I swear my brain was transported to another dimension. I sat there for a good ten minutes just rewatching it and asking myself: what physics did she invent to be able to pull that off? I also may or may not have attempted to do it only to get a big ugly bruise on my knee, but you’ll never know if that actually happened. Ok, I’m being too positive here. I didn’t like season 8 that much. Why? Gianina:
She needs to leave.
There’s the door. Walk out with your annoying mom and MAKE SURE the door hits you on the butt. She talks too much! WAY TOO MUCH!!! When I was her age, I didn’t know what talking was. I just sat there with my “too-big” glasses and did my homework. I was a silent sufferer. But Gianina - no, she is the loudest sufferer out there. And don’t even get me started on Stacey. What the heck happened to that woman. It’s almost like she quit her job as a psychologist to become a patient: THE WOMAN NEEDS THERAPY. Ok, that was a bit callous and uncalled for, wasn’t it? I hope they accept my insincerest of apologies.
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